How helpful is this habit and default response? How can we know best, even though we don’t experience the world in the same way others do? And if we don’t experience the world in the same way, how do we know when we give advice whether we’re solving the right problem? We don’t, but we give advice anyway, often rather than working to find out, what is the real issue or challenge.
Therefore, how good is the advice we give? When it’s coloured by our view of the world, by bias, our lens and past experience, all of which is completely different to those around us.
We leap in to fix. What’s driving us to do that? Are we people pleasers, are we inherent ‘parents’, do we see ourselves as failures if we don’t “have all the answer”. Is our inner voice telling us “I can show I know stuff”, “that’s how I add value”, “it’s what’s expected of me, isn’t it?”
Sometimes, with our long lists of things to do, and our perception of what’s needed to be pacey and agile, surely the quickest thing to do is ‘tell’? A short-term gain maybe, but is it a longer-term loss which over time confirms a culture that limits individuals’ development, ideas, innovation and experimentation. All the things an organisation needs to move forward and grow.
So what is the role of a leader? Is it to be the one with all the answers or is to be a partner to help figure out the real challenge; is it to be the enabler, to the person we’re working with, for them to think for themselves… is it about how we facilitate another’s thinking, giving away power to others rather than keeping it all to ourselves. Can we learn to work with ambiguity and build a different view of what a leader should be?
Michael Bungay Stanier talks about the Advice Monster in his well viewed You Tube video of the same name – something with over a million views must have some merit it in! He talks about the Advice Monster being a metaphor for the built-in habit we all have – something we’ve been rewarded for all our lives – having the answers!
The art for leaders is to stay curious; stay curious a little longer, rather than rushing into advice giving. There are extra pay offs too – engagement, trust and the people we work with feeling like they are recognised and seen more deeply as human beings. This behaviour of curiosity can serve us both in and outside work.
The urge to give advice can be overwhelming, especially when someone we’re working with asks for it directly, and we just want to be helpful. There may be times when we have something to give that it would be wrong to knowingly withhold. The magic happens when you hold back your Advice Monster long enough to help the person you’re working with explore and pull on their own creative and resourceful self, first. Our input as leaders therefore becomes an option, not the ‘experts’ way.
In a conversation, self-management is key, as is paying attention to sharing our advice and wisdom in the right dosage, at the right time.
What is your organisation looking for from its leaders and how can every single leader join the movement to turn the tide. As Michael Bungay Stanier puts it…from “tell, tell, tell, ask, tell, tell, tell” towards “ask, ask, ask, tell, ask, ask ask”.
Leslie Bailey is a coach to all leaders at all levels and brings insight from a background in Commercial Lending and Investment Management. https://www.linkedin.com/in/leslie-bailey-40b023123/
