These darks days and the dark times in the world seem to be impacting many of us. Encouraging minds to swirls around the negativity we see and feel around us going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hold of all that is wrong. Once starting down the track, we all know where it leads. The more we focus on the darkness, the more we see of it and fail to see the good, the random acts of kindness. We can lose our sense of humour, self-compassion and compassion for others.
In Martin Seligman’s theory around optimistic and pessimistic thinkers I am. like him, firmly ensconced in the pessimistic realm. I can take a crisis, well to be hones it doesn’t even have to be a crisis, I can take and event and make a full-blown Netflix drama out of it. I have often taken his antidote to catastrophizing.
This approach has helped to pull me down from the ceiling on many occasions in the past bringing up four children through those teenage years when we send them out into the world with out hearts on their sleeves.
In her research into vulnerability and living wholeheartedly Brene Brown talks of foreboding joy, the idea that we hold ourselves back from being fully engaged and excited by life for the fear of catastrophe hitting. Her work identified a practice to overcome this and that was gratitude, and note it was a practice of gratitude not an attitude of gratitude. If we merely have an attitude of gratitude, we fail to put our thinking into action; a bit like paying for gym membership but not actually going.
In practice we would catch ourselves in the moment, as we find our thoughts becoming darker and more threatening, and purposely begin the practice of noting, verbally or writing down everything we are grateful for to bring our more rational brain on-line. Once rationality starts to enter our thinking, we can go through the Seligman antidote or simply allow the thoughts to build in the direction of light and hope.
Gratitude can help us to re-focus and look for the light in the world to notice the helpers, the human kindness and compassion around us. If we combine our gratitude with the practice of reaching out in kindness, we can focus our thoughts and behaviours on a greater purpose; and with purpose comes contentment and, dare I say, happiness.
This isn’t necessarily about positive thinking, just a change of focus. It doesn’t change the political landscape, but it does allow us to focus on more inspiring people and ideas. It doesn’t make the pandemic any less tragic or frightening but puts the focus on the helpers, and perhaps inspires us to contribute. Just maybe it helps us to then start to see the ‘gift in the garbage’ as a life coach friend used to say.
As Viktor Frankl tells us in Mans Search for Meaning, we always have choice in our response to what life throws at us.
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor E. Frankl
I choose gratitude, practising it means writing down at least three things every day that I am grateful for and reaching out through local voluntary action groups to support my community. What are you grateful for?
In gratitude, Karen x
